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一个励志考研者的心路历程

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发表于 2018-6-9 16:23:20 |显示全部楼层
“他怎么就不饿啊?”我斜眼瞟了一下过道那边的王旭,他正从书包里往外掏书,真题集锦,看样子,打的还是持久战,一时半会儿完不了。

12点了,偌大的教室里,只剩三个人,除了我们两个,还有一个吃完饭回来趴着睡觉的。我肚子里边的空城计都不知道唱了多少遍了,看似在埋头苦读,书上密密麻麻的小字一个也没看到眼里,精神食粮远不如食堂里的土豆炖牛肉有吸引力,啊呀,王旭,你想熬死我啊?

早上7点半,洗漱停当,我就扛着沉沉的书包直奔自习室,早餐随身携带,就地解决。从下定决心考研的那天起,我早餐地点就从宿舍搬到了教室,不为别的,就是为了节省时间。

当然,日子一旦模式化,自习生活就变得枯燥乏味了。每天就在宿舍、自习室、食堂三点间往返,除了书包就是水杯,第二天升起的太阳如同复印机的开始键,逐条COPY昨天的一切。

真是有点后悔,为什么放弃保研呢?不然,我现在可能正在哪里游山玩水,抑或是徘徊在哪个商场,为一件衣服犹豫不决。原来的专业适合做研究,很难找工作,我自认不是那种能两耳不闻窗外事潜心钻研的人,所以还是换个好找工作的专业吧。

备战研究生考试的日子好比坐长途大巴,如果没人陪伴,跟你交流,没准儿你中途就下车了。王旭就是跟我一起放弃保研,另投他处的同班同学。我们要考的专业一样,但他要考回老家,我则留在本校。在茫茫考研大军中,这勉强也算志同道合了。尽管我们平日里并没有过多的来往,谈不上熟悉,但我认为,在心理上找个伴儿还是很重要的。

他是不是也要找个一起坐车的人,我不得而知。只是,每天我们都在那间自习室里碰面,8点左右到自习室,各自找位子坐下,直到晚上熄灯赶人的哨声响起。漫长的十个小时中,我们从来不聊天。最多也就是打水的时候碰上了,笑笑,问一句“复习得怎么样了”,当然,谁也没打算从对方那里得到确切的答案。

然而,我竟如同暗恋他一般地留意王旭的一举一动。他上午要出去三趟,基本不在外面遛弯,打了水就回来;下午两点到教室,中间会趴在桌子上眯一觉,晚饭过后,一直学到10点。这个时间表可能王旭自己都没有刻意总结过,我却早已烂熟于心,不能来得比王旭晚,不能比他睡的时间长,不能比他回去得早,最起码要在时间上超过他。

如果哪天我到教室发现王旭已经收拾停当进入状态,或者无缘无故睡了两小觉,我就会懊悔不已,乱七八糟地又是自责又是反省地想很多,好像因为多睡了一会儿就铁定了要落榜一样。即使是自习室熄了灯,回宿舍之后,我也要惩罚自己再看会儿书,以弥补白天浪费的时间。

今天也是如此,我早上起晚了,中午当然不能先王旭而去。我一般总是等王旭走了,才收拾东西走人,尽管里外里差不了20分钟,但我能获得莫大的心理安慰。

除此之外,我还经常忙里偷闲地关心一下王旭的复习进度。

模拟题?红色封面的?哪儿搞的?我经常假聚精会神之名行偷窥之实,手里有好几套模拟题都是先瞄到王旭的,记住封面什么的,再跑到书店买来的。政治辅导书,他怎么又翻到前面去了?难道说他又开始新的一轮了?这么快?我这第二遍还没开始呢!看来他晚上还在挑灯夜读。不过,我英语比他好点,往年的真题已经做了好几遍了。可以放放,重点攻一下政治。

不知道这样是不是有些病态,可我就是控制不住在斤斤计较的泥淖中越陷越深,心情的好坏完全取决于比对结果,连累心脏经常坐碰碰车。我略胜一筹,自信心就会膨胀,备感欣慰,马上觉得前途一片光明。如果王旭领先,那可就非常郁闷了,我会把早前自己的腐败行径通通回忆一遍,再痛心疾首一番,严重的话,还会让我对考研暂时失去信心。为此,我经常得做心理建设,自我安慰,平复“创伤”,恢复状态。

其实,我自己也明白,王旭并不是我的竞争对手,我们俩报考的学校都不一样。可是,面对15∶1这样的录取比例,我从哪儿找那其余的14个呢?千军万马之中,我只知道王旭报的专业跟我一样,我不跟他比跟谁比?最起码,感觉上,我也得觉着自己比他强才有坚持下去的决心和毅力啊。

3个月后,发榜,我赫然在列。一阵狂喜之后,我首先想到的就是,王旭呢?他考上了吗?

结果出乎我的意料,他距
数线仅一分之遥。真的,我由衷地扼腕叹息了一番,甚至觉得自己有必要找个机会安慰安慰他。不过,这仅仅是冲动的一时之念,完全是吃饱了撑的,多事。
"Why is he not hungry?" I glanced a glanced glance at Wang Xu over the aisle. He was digging out of his schoolbag. It was a collection of questions. It looked like a protracted war. It was not finished at one thirty.

12 o'clock, there are only three people in the big classroom. Besides two of us, there is one who comes back to bed after dinner. I don't know how many times I've been singing the empty city in my stomach. It seems to be hard to read. The small words in the book are not seen in the eyes. The spiritual food is far less attractive than the beef stew in the canteen. Ah, Wang Xu, do you want to die me?

At 7:30 in the morning and washed and stopped, I went straight to the study room, carrying my heavy schoolbag, and carried breakfast with me. From the day I made up my mind to take the postgraduate entrance examination, I moved the breakfast place from the dormitory to the classroom, for nothing else, just to save time.

Of course, once the days are patterned, the life of self-study becomes boring. Every day in the dormitory, study room, cafeteria three points between, in addition to the bag is a water cup, the second day rising sun like the starting button of the copier, COPY everything yesterday.

Really regret, why give up the research? Otherwise, I may be traveling around now, or wandering in a shopping mall, hesitating for a dress. The original professional suitable for research, it is difficult to find a job, I think I am not the kind of two ears that do not smell out the window of the people, so it is still a good job to find a job.

Preparing for postgraduate exams is like riding a long-distance bus. If you don't have company, you can get off halfway. Wang Xu just gave up my research with me and voted for his classmates. We want to do the same exam, but he will go back to his hometown, and I will stay in this school. In the vast army of postgraduate entrance exams, this reluctance is a common aspiration. Although we do not have much contact and familiarity on weekdays, I think it is very important to find a companion in psychology.

I wonder if he is going to find someone to ride with him. But we met every day in the study room, and at about 8 o'clock, we went to the study room and sat down to find seats. For ten long hours, we never talked. The most is when you hit the water, smile, and ask, "how is the review?" and, of course, no one is going to get the exact answer from the other.

However, I looked at Wang Xu's every move as if he were secretly in love with him. He will go out three times in the morning, never walk outside and come back with water; at two o'clock in the afternoon, he will squint on the table in the middle, and learn 10 after dinner. This timetable may have not been summed up by Wang Xu himself, but I was so familiar that I could not come to Wang Xuwan, to sleep longer than him, to go back earlier, and at least to surpass him in time.

If one day I went to the classroom to find out that Wang Xu had packed up, or had two little sleep without any reason, I would be remorseful and remorseful, self remorse and introspective thinking, as if it had been settled for a long time. Even after the lights were put out in the study room and I returned to the dormitory, I had to punish myself to read some books again to make up for the wasted time during the day.

It's the same today. I got up late in the morning, and of course I couldn't go before Wang Xu at noon. I usually wait for Wang Xu to leave before I pick up my things and leave, although I can't afford 20 minutes inside and outside, but I can get great psychological comfort.

In addition, I often take care of Wang Xu's review progress.

Analog questions? Red cover? Where did you get it? I often see the truth in the name of my mind. There are several sets of simulation questions in my hand to Wang Xu first, remember the cover, and then go to the bookstore. How did he get to the front of the political counselling book? Did he say that he started a new round again? So fast?  I haven't started this second times. It seems that he is still reading the lights at night. However, my English is better than him. The real questions in previous years have been done several times. Can be put, focus on the politics.

I don't know if this is a bit sick, but I just control the deeper and deeper I don't live in the mud. The good or bad of my heart depends on the comparison, and the heart often sits on a bumper car. I am a little better, my self-confidence will swell, and I feel relieved that the future is bright. If Wang Xu is in the lead, it will be very depressed. I will recollection all the corrupt practices of my earlier own, and then I will be very sad, and the serious words will let me lose my confidence temporarily. For this reason, I often have to do psychological construction, self comfort, calm down "trauma" and restore state.

As a matter of fact, I also understand that Wang Xu is not my competitor. The schools we both apply for are different. However, in the face of 15 to 1 admission ratio, where do I find the other 14? Among thousands of soldiers, I only know that Wang Xu's professional is the same as me. I don't compare with him. At least, I have to feel that I am stronger than he is, and I have the determination and perseverance to persist.

3 months later, I was on the list. After a burst of ecstasy, the first thing I thought of was Wang Xu. Did he do it?

As a result, I was surprised that he was only one point away from the score. Indeed, I sighed with heartfelt regret and even felt that it was necessary for me to find a plane.
因为,在王旭眼里,我估计也就是经常碰面的路人甲而已。
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